The Bunny And The Carpenter
I'm not much for lingering when it's time to put my little boys to sleep.
"Daddy, will you lay down with me?"
Yeah, OK. A little talking, a goodnight prayer and a kiss to seal it. Then I'm done.
Except for tonight.
Tonight I thought I might try to do what I see those perfect dads in those perfect sitcoms do. I just don't make enough effort to be normal enough. I need to. I don't want to give my kids a twitch or something when they grow up.
So, I lay down with my youngest son (he's 3 and his older brother's asleep) who's telling me he wants to hear a story. Every night, every single night, these guys listen to a story on the CD player. That's their thing. That's what they do.
Trying to do that thing I've heard about, I ask if he'd like Daddy tell him a story.
"No," he tells me, unceremoniously.
But I figure he'll get into it once it gets started. I don't even know what I'm going to tell a story about. I just go for it.
---
"Once upon a time, there was a bunny hopping in the woods ..."
Shit. Maybe he's scared of the woods. I am, especially at dark. It's dark now. I don't want him to be scared. I just want to tell him a story about a bunny. Oh well, screw it.
"... and he came upon a carpenter nailing away at some wood."
A carpenter? Where did that come from? Oh God, let me just stick my teeth out like a bunny and make him laugh or something.
"And the bunny said, 'What are you nailing there, Mr. Carpenter'?"
"'Well,'" the carpenter said, "'I'm building a bridge. You see that creek right there? I'm trying to build a bridge so bunnies like you will have a way to cross without getting aaaaaaall wet.'"
"Aww, I don't need any bridge. I'm a bunny, and I hop reeeeeaaaaally high ..."
OK. So this is going to be one of those "Wag Your Finger And Teach Some Kind Of Overly Righteous Lesson In Exercising Patience" story.
"You go ahead if you want to, Mr. Bunny. But I'm telling you, that creek's too ..."
Then my son interrupts me.
"No, Daddy, no! Stop it. I want to listen to stories. Turn the stories on."
"So you don't want to hear my story?"
"No."
"OK. Goodnight."
---
I must say I'm disappointed. I really thought that story had some potential. And I wish I knew how it was going to end. I figure if it's like any of the old "Mother Goose" tales, the bunny meets some horribly humiliating fate.
But really ... it's not like I can keep telling the story to myself.
Or maybe I should record it. Maybe he'll listen to it.
7 comments:
Haha.
That's cute, funny and sad at the same time. I guess you can't rock the boat too much, dad.
eric, i could mail you some recording software, then all you'd need is a two-dollar microphone and hey presto, you have great elsewhere audio story company.
you can even alter the pitch of your voice so your boys wouldn't know it was you...but then you'd have problems convincing them it was you if they liked it.
rusty, i guess you're right. at the same time, i don't want them to have to settle for electronic stimulation. oh, who am i kidding?
dan, i should have recorded that story. the sad thing is, i used different voices for the bunny and the carpenter. i stuck my teeth out like a bunny. i think that just kind of creeped him out.
duckie, somehow i'm beginning to feel like my children might turn out like you. all hatin' on bunnies and shit. what do you have against overly eager bunnies who like to hop?
e+
I'll mail you the owly comics - read them that!
My dad read us the Lord of the Rings trilogy when we were little - did the voices and everything - even Gollum
My son looked at me and said very seriously "Mom, stop singing."
So, I understand.
But he does like to have me tell him stories. Usually involving fish for some reason. Maybe you should try using fish in your stories. Underwater adventures are very popular with my son, anyway.
Your "great" leading characters were a bunny and a carpenter? Dude... Take a cue from modern TV. You need to have a talking sponge, a fictional creature that can only say its name, and a human with cool superpowers. Like Captain Underpants. I hear he's the new rage.
simon ... i remember those! wouldn't those scare the shit out of them, though?
cindy, he does like nemo. but i should probably try something with thomas the train. he's a thomas crackhead.
tink, i think you might be on to something ... but i'm just old school, baby.
e+
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