Smash Them, Watch Them Bleed
Whenever people want to describe a particularly passive, meek person -- an all-around nice guy -- they often use the phrase "he wouldn't hurt a fly."
But the real question is ... would he hurt a mosquito?
Sure, a fly does that thing where it hangs out on a log of feces, then flies onto your food and rubs its shit-covered legs together and ultimately regurgitates onto your meal for some evolutionary pragmatic reason.
Still, generally they don't get the smackdown unless they keep sitting on your food or make a bunch of noise or roll with more than, say, two friends.
But who thinks twice about killing those blood-sucking mosquito bastards on first sight?
There was a bumper sticker the other day. It said, "I Brake For Snakes." And, let's face it, snakes can be quite controversial in the sense that not everyone will brake for them and, in fact, quite a few actually accelerate over them.
But at least some people brake for them.
If Noah actually did stick all those animals on that boat, and he corralled the mosquitos together, he deserves a wedgy of apocalyptic proportions.
16 comments:
what about black widdows?
The flea problem on the ark must have been intense.
The only insect I don't kill is a ladybug. Because they're so cute, who could kill a ladybug?
That's actually an interesting thought on the breakdown of that cliche.
What's a wedgy?
screetus, to your mutha.
anon., black widow is another, i suppose. along with brown recluse and wasp and others that hurt and don't seem to benefit (though in the end all creatures serve some purpose).
jake, noah deserves a bitch slap for that one, too.
cindy, what about a butterfly? or a firefly? surely you like them, right?
krista, there are so many, aren't there?
dan, a wedgy is basically where a person's underwear is lifted so high as to be violently inserted into the anus. tighty whities work best. also, a person might rise from a chair with a mild wedgy, after which the observer would say, "yo, check it out, man. that chick's got a wedgy."
e+
Mosquito's were the reason clapping was invented.
I hate them more than I hate tropical bacterial viruses.
and the movie "Cursed".
ah right, i remember what a wedgy is now. i think bill and ted gave one (a wedgy, that is) to death in bogus.
spo, do you mean the old cursed or the new one?
cindy-lou, ladybug's are weord. how is it that they have those symetrical spots on them?
there's somert sadist abaht me cus i like gerrin birren beyam.
Noah is actually quite fond of mosquitos. He actually hatched a plan to use them for global domination, but when God found out, in God's infinite wisdom, mosquitoes(sp?) became quite rebellious. So now they just bite people. This information can be found in log #24234.
Not really. Hope I didn't help inspire this, because... ummm... I'm a cool guy.
i like your use of the word corralled.
and i think anonymous is somebody pretending to be a yorkshireman only he or she got it wrong.
it should be:
thiz somert saydist abahtmi cus aleyek gerrin birren beey'm. orate cock.
Dan, you crack me up.
Also, I'm not sure if Noah wore tighty whities, or any underwear at all. Biblical figures are a lot like Scots in that way - you just can't wear undies under robes, togas, or kilts.
There are two animals in this world I really cannot stand - cockroaches and scorpions. Cockroaches just because. We're all allowed at least one unjustifiable loathing. Scorpions because they give me the heebiejeebies, although I have been known to save a scorpion here and there, or perhaps it could be said I saved some people from scorpions on occassion. Ants I can tolerate if they are not in my house or in my rat traps.
As things always come in threes, you reminded me of what was missing in my triad of hate. Mosquitos, of which there are blissfully a paucity here in the desert. But I do remember those hellvacious summers in Ohio, or on the banks of Ol' Miss. Grrrezsgnk! They have their purpose as bird food and vectors for various nasty diseases. Hay, a pathogen has to live, right? But I have no room for them in my life. To quote Barbara Bush, Mosquitos "I am done with you."
I think the presence of mosquitos, scorpions and cockroaches proves there was no Great Flood. No matter how nutter you have to be to build an ark in cubits instead of using metric, you are beyond nutter if you bring along mosquitos. No one can be that crazy and father a race of people -Mrs. Noah wouldn't have it!
dan, could you translate? both what you said and what that other person said?
i guess noah wouldn't have worn tighty whities. maybe a big leaf or something. someone should shove a leaf up his rear end.
kz, i'll tell you why i hate mosquitos SO much ... my wife told me the other afternoon, when she went for a walk or something, to watch out for my youngest son, 2, if he goes outside on the deck.
mostly for the mosquitos. sure enough, he got out there for about five minutes, i realized what was up, and by the time i got him, he had these huge red splotches all over his forehead.
those nasty bastards their prickers with their horse and dog blood in my little boy's skin ... i've got no love for them.
as for the cubits vs. metric system ... doesn't that say a lot about us americans that we refuse to use the metric system?
e+
" there's somert sadist abaht me cus i like gerrin birren beyam."
there's something sadist about me because i like getting bitten by them.
"thiz somert saydist abahtmi cus aleyek gerrin birren beey'm. orate cock."
there's something sadist about me because i like getting bitten by them. all right, cock.
cock, being similar to saying dude. actually, that's (cock) probably closer to cheshire than yorkshire, but they steal each other's dialect.
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