"So Good It'll Make You Want To Slap Your Momma," Or, "The Yin And Yang Of Goat Farming"
There's this guy I know.
He's a journalist. He sometimes talks to interesting people. People not necessarily important or anything. Just interesting.
He told me this story recently about these two goat farmers he talked to.
One, a lady, was real big on milking goats and selling the milk.
The other, a guy, spent all his time killing goats and selling the meat.
This guy I know was doing a story -- a small story, small because that's the way they told him it was meant to be -- about goat farming up in the mountains. It was mostly about the milking aspect, because apparently this was one of the few places you could find a certain kind of "certified" goat milk.
The way he found the lady who milked goats was through the guy who slaughtered goats.
It was interesting to see how these two interacted -- seeing as how she had this small farm in the country where she named goats and kept them in a little barn with portrait pictures of them hanging on the wall.
She did it as she cared for her quadriplegic husband, who was the victim of a horrible car accident. She would wake up at 5 a.m. and milk the goats. Then, she'd go to work as a nurse, and when she got off work, she'd come home and milk them again.
In between, she'd pasteurize it, package it and sell it. This was a woman who loved her husband, her land and her goats.
So idyllic.
Not so much so for the goat meat guy.
He was pushing this thing he called a "Goat Field Day," which was going to feature numerous flavors of goat meat. He wanted publicity. He was pretty convinced that it was worth publicity.
In fact, he was so convinced, he proclaimed with much confidence that the barbequed goat meat at his "Goat Field Day" would be so good that it would "make you want to slap your Momma."
This little phrase -- "so good it will make you want to slap your Momma" -- sounded all but inspired by the ghetto comedy sequel a few years back starring Ice Cube called "Next Friday."
("Next Friday" as in after "Friday," the original, and before "Friday After Next," the third movie, after which they decided to stop making movies based on Friday.)
The line is used in a TV ad in "Next Friday." One of numerous gag jokes. A restaurant so good, the joke goes, that it's food "makes you want to slap your Momma!"
So, this guy I know who's talking to this goat meat guy tells me that, when he heard the goat-meat guy say this, he nodded his head knowingly and told the goat meat guy, "Ahh yeah, 'Next Friday.'"
To which the goat-meat guy said, "No, Saturday, Aug. 16."
22 comments:
The goat-meat guy was a clever dude then.
I'll mark it on my calendar.
FWIW, I sheepishly (or, perhaps, goatishly) admit I would have probably said the same thing. I must be hopelessly out of touch with modern America.
Alas, I feel for the goatmaid. Having often had romantic thoughts of having my own cow, churning butter on the porch and making my own cheese (more proof I'm living in my own world immune to Bratz and Yu Gi Oh, or financial reality, too), I know I'd be stymied with what to do with the calves my cow would have to have in order to produce milk. I just know I'd name them Pinky or Fuzzears or something cute, and fret about them becoming table meat. And fret all the way to the barbeque.
Hey, what happened to your beer keg post? Or was that all a dream?
ahh, nobody's cool or uncool for knowing about that reference. i thought it was more humorous ... this guy ... assumed some dude in rural south carolina would have ever watched a comedy based in south central los angeles.
the beer post got shit-canned. i wrote it in a certain state of mind when it seemed like high art. then i read it later and realized that i didn't even mention that the idea was to have miniature beer funnels to come with the 24 oz. Buds.
i try to trim excess whereever i can.
by the way, i really liked the goat milk lady ... from what the guy i know told me. she seemed to be so true to herself. the goat meat guy seemed cool, too. both being true -- and transparently honest -- to themselves.
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very ... thorough.
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This is probably my strange brain making connections that aren't there but:
There was this boxing match on TV, years ago, and afterwards the reporter from the TV station interviewed on of the boxers.
Interviewer: So, what sort of state were you in after the fight?
Boxer: What state was I in? Ohio
And I didn't get that story at all. But then I'm a British retard.
Maybe he was talking about LAST Friday.
Gotta love the straight man.
yes, the straight man is always funny (bill murray, vince vaughn).
that's a funny story, dan. i'm surprised boxers know what planet they're on after a fight.
last friday? hmmm ... a smell a prequel ... with LOTS of special effects.
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The worrying thing is that to me the goat killing guy does actually sound like he might slap his momma when he comes across a good meal - and then she takes it in good humour and slaps his borther - who slaps his wife - who slaps her kid - who slaps the dog - a big celebratory this food is the shizzle family sittin round a table slapathon.
I also wonder if, once he kills the goat, he leans over it and shouts "you got knocked the fuck out!"
even though he hasn't seen friday yet
... which would be real trippy, because then we'd have to wonder whether has some mind power to memorize movies by psychic osmosis, right?
or am i off base?
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no man, your on base and swinging
rustyspeedy@gmail.com
learn it. live it.
after a night of legally drug infused resting - I awake with the thought that perhaps the goat killing guy is who hollywood goes to for all their catchphrases.
car pulls up, man in trenchcoat and panama leans out the window holding a notebook and pen.... "hey goat killing guy!"
goat killing guy stops chopping..."you talkin to me? ARE you talkin to me? coz I don't see anyone else standin here?"
man in the panama scribbles some notes and drives the hell back to hollywood....
So THIS is the fun zone!! lol
I have portraits of all my guiena pigs on my walls. Okay, not really. But if I ever get a guiena pig, I'm gonna do it!
Oh, I am anonymous
i will live it and i will learn it. or i guess that would be the other way around.
... just before the hollywood one-liner bounty hunter puts his car into drive, right after the scribbling, he says arrogantly, "alllll to easy."
amber, i'm glad to see you back doing your thing. this IS where the fun is ... and where the fun begins! at least when you guys are here.
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I've got to be honest man, that picture of the goat meat made my stomach growl.
Oh, and I'm in Charleston now.
always nice to know you're alive, my main man. whereabouts are you living down in charleston?
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Umm, not sure really. I guess like five minutes from the beach and right down the road from a Piggly Wiggly.
I'll never die, I'll just move on ;p
well, when you find out where the hell you are, get back to me. and speaking of avoiding dying, consider steering clear of north charleston and especially the upper east side of downtown charleston.
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