Winning
I can't call it an epiphany.
More like a new understanding -- in the way that it's new only because I was the only one who didn't understand.
It's not a secret that I don't get my youngest boy -- 6 years old -- as much as I do my oldest -- 9 years old. There's nothing wrong with that, because I appreciate who he is. But oftentimes it's more as an observer of who he is.
I don't care if my hands are super-clean before I eat. I don't find comfort in rules or standard procedures. I want to be better than other people at things.
My oldest is virtually a carbon-copy of me. For the good and for the bad. The comparable traits are too lengthy to list.
But something happened the other night that offered me a remarkable insight into my youngest little boy -- the theatre kid, the uncoordinated one, the one who loves little girls and isn't afraid to put himself in the spotlight.
I felt the essence of who he is -- in a moment, the kind of moment that is transformative even if it is only a moment.
---
Aden has never really cared about winning. He just wants someone to tell him he's done well.
I've come to learn that when he argues with his brother about who won something, it's not because he brought up the subject of who should be winning. He only argues about winning to defend himself from someone saying he has lost.
When he says, "Did we win the baseball game?", he only asks because it's what people talk about after a sports event. I tell him that I can tell him he didn't lose (because kids hitting a ball off a tee if they can't hit a pitch thrown to them by the coach doesn't result in a winner or a loser).
I remember when Asa first learned to play video games, winning was foremost in his mind. He's destroyed video games because he couldn't beat them. I always understood how he felt and understood what it's like to feel like you're not having fun unless you're winning.
The thing is, Asa has beaten me at things. And he lets me know it.
Aden never has.
That changed though.
Thanks to SpongeBob SquarePants.
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Aden had been begging me to play this SpongeBob racing game on the computer, one of those where you use the arrow keys on the keyboard to accelerate and drive.
I don't have a lot of practice at that.
He's played quite a bit.
He wanted me to play it because he thought it was cool. He wanted me to be a part of it.
But he didn't care about beating me.
As I slammed Patrick's race car into walls repeatedly and couldn't figure out how to back up and get straight and then went the wrong way ... he smoked me.
Two minutes -- two minutes -- after he crossed the finish line, I richocheted my way to the merciful end.
All the while, he told me I was doing OK. Every little wall I managed to scrape away from was a "good job."
When I crossed the finish line, I was "awesome at this game."
"High five, Daddy."
And that's when I understood.
I can't articulate exactly what it is I understand.
I just know that I do.
ADEN'S AMAZING BASEBALL SLIDE:
8 comments:
You know what funny is my son is 8 and I completly get what u are saying.
My brothers and I always fought over video games. According to my younger brother back then, in order to beat him you must have been cheating.
I like to think I've grown past that recklessly competitive stage, but I still feel myself getting very, very angry when people on my teams do poorly.
Aden's reaction seems to offer insight into an admirably empathetic soul
Myself and the present Mrs Dan are unable to have children, at least not naturally.
It's posts like this that make me realise how much I am missing out on. I feel bitter towards nature for denying me this.
then you must be pissed all the time when you watch the bills. seriously though ... you are correct; that's what i learned.
dan ... how is it that i missed you had a mrs. dan? in any case i wish there was something that i could say to make you feel better about that, but i know it's difficult. the thing that often gets me is that there are so many people out there who don't even want their children. how is that possible?
i've omitted to mention mrs dan in my blog or post pictures at her request; if she sees this i'm toast.
"the thing that often gets me is that there are so many people out there who don't even want their children. how is that possible?" - i sometimes wonder if some people just have kids for the welfare money but then later realise it would have been easier to get a job.
thanks for your kind wishes.
+
Love the post Eric! He is so encouraging even if wins. Love the slide too!!
That post made me all teary eyed. That's so cute. And the video cracked me up! My son is competitive, but he made me smile when his soccer team tied 1-1 and he said "that means we both won."
it's a great age ... competent at the sport now but innocent enough to remind you they're still just children. i can't imagine a better age for a kid of your own to play a sport.
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