Two Thousand Eighties
This is the sad state of affairs entering 2008.
The fall from grace.
The times that try men's souls ...
... I'm at a 1980s-themed New Year's Eve party where people are karaokeing '80s songs and wearing any variety of '80s attire.
I don't have any semblance of '80s wear in my possession. What I like of the '80s would be too small, because I was a little boy.
And what I don't like of the '80s would still be too small (but I guess not undoably small, because what I don't like of the '80s I might actually be able to wear, because I became a teenager there toward the end when wearing tight jeans that make your junk show and making the jeans tighter at the ankle by rolling them up was the thing).
So, back to coming closer to the end of the first decade of the second millennium, I've just come with the boot-cut jeans (which, by the way, took way too long to hit the mainstream kind of long ago but not so long ago) and a reasonably contemporary wool sweater.
And seeing as I'm a bit shy in social situations, I'm wearing my favorite, salt-ringed Miami Dolphins hat pulled down low over my eyes.
It's a strange irony: Hiding your eyes with something so conspicuous.
A Miami Dolphins hat?
1-15.
In the same season as the New England Patriots became the first team since the '72 Dolphins to end the regular season with a perfect record. And in the same season as Brett Farve breaks the last remaining records Dan Marino set.
1-15.
(Thank heavens for the Ravens).
It's weird to feel out of place somewhere when you're not wearing '80s clothes. But here I've found myself, without my mullet and without my Swatch. The one a-hole refusing to cooperate and bearing the symbol of a crappy-ass squad.
I go to the bathroom, I look in the mirror and it's there I realize I can make it all right.
It strikes me as I examine the likeness of a reasonably focused dolphin wearing a football helmet jumping through what looks like a fiery hoop.
That symbol is a relic of my childhood.
Full of glowing, curl-up-with-your-Optimus-Prime-figure-and-watch-a-football-game memories:
Marino to Clayton. Marino to Duper. Marino hawking Isotoners.
The epic offense-a-thons against the Chargers and the Jets.
The Dolphins spoiling the Chicago Bears' perfect 1985 season against all odds late in the season on Monday Night Football and winning 50 cents from my Dad on a bet.
It strikes me as I wash my hands and grasp my Harvest Moon Pumpking Ale and head back into the social fray, with a new -- albeit somewhat humiliating -- perspective that, if shared, would signify a gesture of acquiescence.
The truth is, I'm wearing my Dolphins hat. And as much as I hate that it's the truth ... it's soooo '80s.
7 comments:
Happy New Year, Eric. Thirty years from now, I wonder if Asa will be sporting a Darth Vader helmet at some retro party. Surely, he'll have fond memories. Although, somehow, I'm not sure his Dad will have let him take it.
Oh, and you must check out the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. To bring it back to memories, I recall sitting with my Dad on my folk's bed as a kid, not much older than you were watching Marino, watching Santa Claus Versus the Martians on our old aerial, turn-dial television. Sharing mutual disbelief that such a film was made - a memory of Father-Daughter togetherness.
I don't think I would have anything to wear to an 80s themed party either. Maybe I could bleach an old pair of jeans and rip a few holes in them. Yeah, that would work.
I'm kind of disappointed that the Dolphins didn't go 0-16. Anyone can go 1-15. There's nothing special about 1-15 at all. 0-16? That would be special.
i couldn't watch much of it. it was horrible. but i'm guessing the martians lose. and the vader thing is interesting in that it's both a 70s and a 00s thing. good to see you around, kz.
jay ... thank heavens for not being special. that was my mantra. don't be memorable. be forgettable.
i know we need defense in the draft bad -- glenn dorsey -- and i know we have ronnie brown ... but i really, really want them to draft mcfadden. what a cool jersey to sport.
It's alright, eric. The Bills are soooo '90s.
Also, I wanted to throw up when the damn Patriots won that last game.
sadly, I am still stuck in the 80's I was a huge Cowboy's fan back then...now THAT is also sooooo 80's
Happy New Year! If you ever get caught in a similar situation, you could get a mohawk and go as Mr. T. That would be phat, yo.
man, the eighties and tight jeans...it's come full circle.
that's one fashion area i won't be revisiting.
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