Sanjaya, Shmanjaya

Yeah, I watch "American Idol."

I started out having to watch the show. Now, no longer forced to watch it thanks to the departure of a certain contestant, I find myself wanting to see how the season plays out. Yes, I dig the show, dawg. Because The Dawg always keeps it hot.

Tonight was a big night. One the culture media will search a zillion puns from their central database to describe.

Sanjaya got voted off.

So what?

Everybody told the kid he was horrible. But he's not horrible. Just not very good. Seriously, he's got a decent singing voice. Just not for that level of competition.

It's easy to hate on somebody like him. America loves having something or someone to thrash, whether it's Sanjaya or whether it's a washed-up shock jock who's probably wondering whether he'd still have a job if there had been a mass college campus shooting to take up the media's time.

Sanjaya is a nice guy.

The judges put him through, and the show learned a lesson in karma. Intentionally try to embarrass people with bad talent at the auditions before millions of viewers and America will let you know just how sympathetic they are to those who refuse to refuse the praise.

And to any of those who whined about a contestant going home before Sanajay even though he didn't have as much talent his peers ... those contestants weren't good enough to win, anyway.

But I'll tell you who's going to win.

You heard it.

Jordin Sparks.

Melinda is the best singer. Her voice can do so many things, and she understands the art of performance. You have to respect that. But she's missing something. Something, I think, that makes that connection with people.

I can't quite place it. But it's not really all that important, because Jordin Sparks is going to win.

Why?

This is Mike Tyson vs. Buster Douglas.

George Foreman vs. Muhammed Ali.

The Favorite vs. The Winner.

And she's a Steve Nash fan.

There have been only two songs I've heard on "American Idol" that I would listen to if they were on the radio, and both of them were sung by the 17-year-old from Glendale, Ariz., who looks like she could follow her Dad in the NFL -- except I think she'd make a better linebacker than cornerback.

Seriously, the girl's good. Her voice -- though not as flexible and resourceful as Melinda's -- is powerful. And she can turn off the bubbly teenager who can probably text message an essay in 20 seconds blindfolded and totally trade it in for the brooding jilted lover that makes you want slit your own wrists in her place.

She's got the youth vote on lock. She's got the mothers of teens who just think she looks so cute. And I'm sure she's got the other males who are totally gay for watching "American Idol" tapping into that old-fashioned, All-American girl ideal.

And she's got people who probably are just a little more excited than they are after a Melinda performance, for reasons they'd like to better express but can't because they just took a Lunesta and are beginning to struggle to make intelligible sentences.

So, yeah, mark it down.

Melinda Doolittle is the favorite. And if she wins, she deserves it.

But Jordin Sparks is winning that thang.

"I ... can ... only ... watchyouwith ... my nose ... pressedupagainst ... the ... window ... PAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!"