Great ... Now It's Stuck In My Head

I was walking through the grocery store last night and heard that Carly Simon song, "You're So Vain."

I never liked that song, and I never really thought much about it.

But as I was looking at the SpongeBob SquarePants fruit snacks on the shelf, that famous line in the song struck me, "You're so vain/you probably think this song is about you."

I don't understand.

Maybe this isn't a new idea ... but if you're saying the song is about a specific guy -- and in your lyrics you make specific references to locales he has been etc. -- why would you carry on about how vain a guy is for thinking a song is about him when it's already clear that it is about him?

I know she feels like she's been thrown to the curb or whatever, but in this song I think the guy still comes out winning.

Pig Latin

So in the case of The State of South Carolina against me -- regarding a speeding ticket for 10 mph over the speed limit last July -- I am advised that a jury trial is scheduled in 10 days.

Why am I fighting this, you might ask? They've offered me deals to not pay the $81 fine and just take the points on my license.

That's not going to happen. There isn't a scenario where I will admit I did something I didn't do.

I'm fighting it because the cop was hunting for drunk drivers, pulled me over and tried to bully me, got angry when I refused to let him not answer why he pulled me over while my children are sobbing and then wrote me a ticket while admitting that he never used a radar gun.

This isn't typical, obviously.

The court system can be an intimidating instrument.

It can be like sitting down with a bunch of rich people at a fancy restaurant not knowing which fork is used for the salad.

There are countless examples -- but I'll just stick to one.

In the case against me, I'm told in a letter first that I should "please be advised" of the trial date. Then I'm told where I'm supposed to go.

Then, in loud, all-caps, bold type reads this, followed by the signature of your local magistrate judge:

HEREIN FAIL NOT, ON PAIN OF FORFEITING THE LAWFUL PENALTY IN SUCH CASES MADE AND PROVIDED.

Seriously? Are we paying people to take the time to come up with this type of unnecessary, tortured language? Doesn't it suffice to say, "You have to show up or you'll lose your rights?"

This type of thing is one reason I think people end up begging in front of a judge and hoping mister/sir/officer/lawman will show some mercy.