London's Going To Be Cool -- Like, Really, Is It Going To Be Hot There?

"Go home. Your dad wouldn't even break my skateboard for me."

How often do you hear a kid in the neighborhood tell that to your kid?

Well, it happened this week. Seriously.

Anyway ...




* I know the Olympics are done, and they did whatever overblown ceremony to signal it, but I can't help but go out again on the porch and watch the men's volleyball team (the last event) win gold on the primetime replay.

* It's depressing. They just flash backed to the Jason Lezak relay split.

* I guess China wins because we heard the Chinese national anthem more than ours. We had more Americans on the medal stand, though. Not bad considering they've got about 500 gazillion more people and teach their children how to flip on a balance beam at age 3.

* How is it that John Williams composes every bad-ass song for every bad-ass visual spectacle?

* The basketball team won gold against Spain, thank goodness. They did it right -- and with as much humility as you can expect from guys who can do what they do. And Kobe has finally turned the corner in the hearts and minds of old, crotchety white guys who think all NBA players are criminals.

* I heard the gold medal game was one of the best international basketball games ever. I wouldn't know, because it started at 2:30 a.m. over here and I could only last the first half.

* Jeremy Wariner got a gold medal. But he couldn't do it without his archrival who beat him individually. It's interesting to watch individuals in such an individualistic, egocentric sport work together as a team. Watching the 400m relay is kind of awkward while at the same time compelling.

* Remember when we were so scared of the Russians, at least those of us who were born before the internet? Whatever happened to those guys?

* Oh, that's right. Sonya Richards chased down the Russian in the last leg of the 400m relay. There's nothing like watching an American haul ass past a former superpower.

* The table tennis guys are sweating. And using the paddles as fans. Who knew?

* I got to see a pole-vaulter for about a minute. And a high-jumper for about two minutes. Somehow I managed to miss every second of the long jump. When I was 10, how was it that I saw Carl Lewis and every single spec of dust? Maybe because it was in Los Angeles.

* When I watch diving, all I can really judge is whether there was a little splash or a big splash. Greg Louganis kind of hooked me 20 years ago when he cracked his head open on one of the diving platforms in Seoul. I'm not rooting for it to happen, but I keep wondering if it will.

* Bob Costas did a great job, no matter how goofy he might seem to be. And I enjoyed the sardonic moments, with the subversive double entendre -- like when he had to segue from a featurette on China's "Temple of Heaven."

"They say no nail was used to build the temple ... and I'm in no place to argue with them."

* The Chinese had a real '70s kind of color and design thing going on in every venue. I'm sure it was supposed to symbolize something, but I kept having flashbacks to the old Houston Astros jerseys.

* It's been real, China. Hope you get your shit together.

I Still Haven't Seen A Pole Vaulter ...

The Olympics are nearing an end. Sad but true.

But they're not over yet:

* It looks like Michael Phelps winning that eighth gold medal to close the swimming competitions was like a summer solstice with the gradual decline that follows. It seems like just three days ago the kids were on summer vacation. That's because it was three days ago.

* The track and field competitions going on throughout the American daytime is screwing up the excitement live action like the swimming races. You can't escape the spoilers, but I don't get faulting NBC for airing it taped. What else are they supposed to do?

* Volleyball is live late at night. Two gold medals. Seeing it live really does make a difference. It's not like knowing already that the Americans dropped the baton in the relay. Or that Jeremy Wariner came in second in 400 meters.

* Bob Costas after both the men and the women dropped the baton in their relay events: "... And the Americans have laid a big egg in the Bird's Nest." Ouch.

* I love the woman (Mechelle Harris) who picked up the baton and refused not to finish the race -- like she did back in '04 when the same thing happened.

* The best part of the men's 400 meters -- or sprinting overall, for that matter -- was the American tonight who literally laid his body horizontal for the bronze (David Neville). He said, "Sometimes we have to sacrifice our body and mind and spirit for what we really want. In a split-second, I said 'I have to dive in order to get a medal.'''



* What are they chasing the Jamaicans with back in the Carribbean? Those folks look like they're running from something.

* They're saying some of the Chinese gymnasts might lose their gold medals because their ages were falsified by the government. Apparently you have to be 16. That means more hardware for us, but I have to say ... no matter how young those girls are, they were better.

* "Shawn Johnson" sounds a lot more Mary Lou Retton than "Nastia Liuken." But know this: You don't see Americans jumping over to the Russian or Chinese side to represent a country like the people who proudly adopt America as their new home.

* What's up with the Chinese divers? It's like they've got some superpower to keep water from splashing. Or that they only weigh 50 pounds.

* Watching BMX racing with guys and girls furiously pedaling kids bicycles -- as entertaining as it might be -- makes me laugh.

* That commericial with Marvin Gay singing the national anthem at a Laker's game decades ago played in concert with modern images of our basketball players practicing for gold was well done.

* I think I understand why you can't have coaches help you during the game in beach volleyball. Would it really be in the spirit of the sport to have a fat, bald guy with a whistle yelling at you as you enjoyed your day at the beach?

* Misty May and Keri Walsh must be the last two people on Earth who support President Bush. They took the time after winning the gold medal to thank the president "for all that you do" and "for your inspiration." Haven't heard that associated with the guy in a while.

* The men won, too ... but "Dalhausser?" Everytime they said "Dalhausser," I felt like I needed to perform the Heinlich on somebody. How about "Rogers and ... Smith?" Or "Jones?" Or "Davis?" That would have helped me ... for reasons I can't quite explanin.

* Do those two really need their names on the back of their jerseys? There's only two of them. I like how the Brazilian guys had "BRA" on their chests and backs of their jerseys. And apparently one of them has a life-sized poster of Karch Kiraly and asked the volleyball legend, "How do you win the Olympics?"

* Overall, the Olympics in Beijing have been a breeze. At least Wikipedia (which I consulted to see exactly what sports remain through Sunday) thinks so:

A variety of concerns over the games have been expressed by various entities; including allegations that China violated its pledge to allow open media access,^[96] various alleged human rights violations,^[97][98][99] air pollution in both the city of Beijing and in neighbouring areas,^[100][101] proposed boycotts,^[102][103] warnings of the possibility that the Beijing Olympics could be targeted by terrorist groups,^[104] foiled sabotage attempt, potentially violent disruption from pro-Tibetan protesters,^[105] religious persecutions,^[106] the banning of ethnic Tibetans from working in Beijing for the duration of the games,^[107] criticisms of policies mandating the electronic surveillance of internationally owned hotels,^{[108][109][110]} displacement of residents,^[111] ticket adversities,^[112] manhandling of foreign journalists,^[113][114] dubious protest zones,^[115] as well as alleged harassment, house arrests, forced disappearances, imprisonment, and torture of dissidents and protest applicants.^{[116][117][118][119][120][121][122]}

You Feed Them, And They Grow

For the first time in my life since I was a 26-year-old, scared shitless father-to-be, I won't wake up and have at least one of my little boys with me in the morning.

I lost the first one three years ago when he went "on the grid" into kindergarten.

But, there was always the knowing that I still had my little guy, there to revel in sleeping in with me and making a fashionably late appearance to pre-school.

(The way it works is my boys go early with their mother to school, where she's employed as an assistant Minister of Truth).

I've been struggling to feel much of anything real lately. Who knows why that happens? No matter. It does. So be it.

But this morning, after I left my youngest son in the same kindergarten class his brother first entered three years ago, tears filled my eyes.

And they continued to well as I turned out of the school parking lot and merged into interstate traffic and prepared to struggle to find some justification for wearing a tie that feels right.

Real tears. Genuine tears. And, best of all, unexpected.

Each drop blended with a mix of melancholy and pride(the good kind).

There's sadness that they're both moving on -- one to K-5, the other to 3rd grade(where it's a stretch for me to take a walk by his class and offer a thumbs up in support).

There's the questioning whether you made the most of a time that will never exist again, but fulfilled because you know they're at least headed in the right direction and maybe, if you allow yourself, you'll begin to learn new things with them.

And you know something that helps me?

Something besides his big brother being there?



The little guy's a nerd. About the whole school thing. About everything.

A true believer in whatever he's into. No fear. No regrets. Owning the moment that presents itself.

We don't know where it comes from. Not from his mother or father or anybody else we know.

We didn't create it. It's from somewhere divine, unique to him.

And knowing he's bringing that to the world on the grid ...

It's good like the taste of salt on these world-weary cheeks.

Did The Athenians Have Streaming Video?

I pretty much don't know of anything else that exists on television at the moment, and I've spent more time in front of a television than I have in years.

So, here's some thoughts a week into the Summer Olympics:

* Women's ping pong looks quite surreal at 3 a.m. on CNBC.

* I find myself uncharacteristically consumed with nationalism. I want American domination, no matter how compelling the story is for an athlete of another country. I feel like a cliche, and I often root for underdogs, but America's been a bit down on its luck lately, and I love what this country is meant to represent.

* I just can't get over how people wait four years for one moment. If an athlete fails, he's going to be four years older when tries to do it again.

* I don't prefer sports that rest on the whims of judges.

* I never knew how compelling swimming medley relays can be. Four guys each do a different stroke, which is a true testament to art in athletics. It's almost like a classic anthem rock group shredding guitar, bass and drum solos.

* The hero of this summer's Olympics is Jason Lezak. He sprinted faster than anyone in history to overcome a deficit over the last few seconds to beat that French guy in the first relay who was talking all that shit about "smashing the Americans." And tonight he held off the Australians to give Michael Phelps that last gold. He's the ultimate wingman.

* Gymnastics is all about waiting for somebody to screw up.

* Running is so iconic. No other Olympic sport evokes such epic historical moments (Jesse Owens in Berlin; Black Power in Mexico, Carl Lewis everywhere, etc.).

* The Romanian who won the "women's jogging" competition (as my son likes to call the marathon) must have felt like she conquered the world when she entered the stadium.

* I want the basketball team to embarrass anyone who dares stand in their way, unlike 2004 when I suffered from a contrarian satisfaction that we had to settle for the bronze.

* It's pretty easy to remember that everything is exactly 12 hours ahead -- at least on the East Coast.

* So it's kind of emblematic of the repeated misjudgments of the McCain campaign when it ran a negative political ad immediately after that inspiring Lezak comeback.

* And I don't understand making a negative ad that shows a picture of Obama looking especially positive and youthful instead of an embarrasing, scowling, mouth-wide-open video still.

* I don't quite understand "connection points" and "start values" ... and I question a sport in which a camera pans into a computer screen for drama ... but if we've got a dog in the gymnastics fight, I'm with it.

* Rowing ... I just can't stick with it.

* This thing about the Olympics being in China is a monument to dysfunction. Polluted air and 8-year-old gymnasts who look petrified and Tiannamen Square and a gluttonous opening ceremony that typifies an oppresive narcissism ...

* ... and I'm not buying the creepy "bird's nest"stadium architecture as a representation of organic Chinese culture.

* I thought it was cool when one of our gymnasts looked into the camera and said, "What's up, America?" as he sat down after spinning on a bar with one hand.

* The American girl gymnasts played it a lot smoother and looked a lot tougher than the guys.

* Americans generally look happy.

* I like that our volleyball players don't bitch at their teammates at every mistake like those Europeans.

* The president was right to attend the games.

* I didn't realize that Michael Phelps was double-jointed in his knees and ankles and has 14-sized flippers for feet and has a long torso with short legs and a massive wingspan that makes his body a prototype for swimming.

* It makes me wonder how many other people are built like that and don't realize they could be good swimmers.

* If I were a woman, would I think Michael Phelps is hot?

* That Jamaican runner shouldn't have slowed down.

* Sunglasses at night are cool in sprinting.

* The Olympics are a refreshing respite from professional sports. The pros aren't nearly as compelling to me in light of the Olympics and the lower-profile athletes who have one chance to make an indelible mark on American history.

* Good to see Kobe say that being proud to win for your country isn't an outdated notion. And I like how LeBron recognizes the Olympics as the "biggest stage of my life."

* Dara Torres earning the title of the world's second-fastest swimmer at the age of 41 after five Olympics (and two that she sat out in between) is reassuring.

* When does Jeremy Wariner run?

'Yes, We Shall'

By Hugh Munn
The Georgetown (S.C.) Tattler
Capital Bureau

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. Sen. Barack Obama on Friday launched a surprising new round of political ads designed to present the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee as the actual coming of the Antichrist -- a push that campaign advisers say could cultivate a new "apocalyptic voting bloc."

"There is a new hope for America, for the world, and I am He," Obama says in an ad showing him speaking before a hungry mass 150,000-strong gathered along the shores of the Gulf Coast in Corpus Christi, Texas. "Verily I tell ye: 'Yes, we shall.'"

The ads, airing in several states in the Southeast and Midwest, superimpose Obama's likeness in holy locales such as Mt. Sinai, Egypt, along with messianic-themed soundbites meant to impart the impression of pseudo-divinity.

The new angle, campaign insiders say, seeks to win over so-called evangelical Christians -- particularly those labeled as habitual email forwarders -- who have felt alienated by a Republican nominee who doesn't represent their values on pressing issues like gay marriage and the salacious content of reality television programming.

The ads each aim to raise a central question: Why would those who relish the idea of an imminent rapture try to thwart the election of a figure they believe will signal the coming of the return of Christ -- an event they have so long awaited?

Since Obama vanquished Hillary Rodham Clinton in the Democratic primaries, a loosely organized but prevalent contingent of conservative opponents have used the internet to undermine the Illinois senator.

The group has employed the use of forwarded emails and obscure, hastily created blogs to offer the theory of Obama as the coming of a messianic figure who will lure the masses into false idolatry and signal the coming of the Apocalypse.

Popular derivations of the apocalyptic theory presuppose that the Antichrist will be "a persuasive man in his 40s, of Muslim descent, who will deceive nations with a Christ-like appeal" -- a view disputed by a substantial sum of theological scholars.

While the proposed "apocalyptic voting bloc" as the Obama envisions it has yet to be created and cultivated, Obama advisors say the candidate has an opportunity to peel off a piece of the traditional Republican base.

"It's no secret that John McCain's standing among the 'evangelical base' is, shall we say, like the seed that was sown in rocky soil," senior Obama campaign advisor James Robertson said. "We believe we can appeal to the notion of 'change you'd be a hypocrite not to believe in.'"

The McCain campaign offered a swift response on Friday.

"We believe that people of faith believe in us, and we believe that belief is a cornerstone of the American dream," McCain campaign strategist Harvey Monde said. "And we believe that believers will reject the cynical notion that they aren't willing to cast off this mortal coil as their faith calls for them to believe in."

The ad campaign has drawn skepticism from political analysts who say the Obama camp has overestimated its powers of persuasion.

"This is the biggest gaffe of Obama's march to the White House since he refused to wear a flag lapel pin," says Muhman Abid, department chair of political studies at Tulane University. "Who's to say that this supposed voting bloc actually wants the world to end like they say they do?"

Still, one political expert says that given McCain's lackluster campaign strategy thus far, Obama has plenty of leeway "to throw some stuff up and see what sticks."

"Why not?" says Bill Spanasian, a lobbyist for the political action group Cynics For A Cynical Tomorrow. "You know, change we all can be duped to believe in that will mean the end of the world. Awesome."