Saturday, January 19, 2008

Lack Of Beer Vote Costs Obama In Clinton's Nevada Victory

'Burrrrrp!' local drunk says

By Porter Brew
The Georgetown (S.C.) Tattler

LAS VEGAS -- Hillary Clinton edged Barack Obama in the Nevada Democratic presidential caucuses on Saturday -- a narrow victory that political experts say rested heavily on the lack of turnout of the so-called "beer vote."

Earlier in the week during a televised debate, Obama challenged the notion that the election "isn't about who you'd rather have a beer with."

Polls have shown that Obama leads substantially among voters who'd like a president they'd enjoy drinking a beer with. Clinton has struggled among that crucial voting bloc, which early polling data show failed to make it to the polls.

"I was going to totally wake up by noon and go vote for my bro', but he kind of pissed me off with that shit," said mall security guard Leon Idis, who had been chugging several beers with the regulars at Brewskie's Pub off a remote dirt road in Ely, Nev., on Tuesday when he heard Obama's beer comment.

Idis said he had considered bolting from the Obama camp and raising his mug to Clinton's campaign. In 2000 and 2004, he voted for the guy he'd rather have a beer with and had "heard that worked out great."

"I was all drunk and threw my bottle at the TV in whatever bar I passed out in that night," Idis said. "Then I woke up and was all like, 'Whatever,' you know?"

Yew Borous, a former political strategist during Bill Clinton's presidency, said that Obama tried reaching out to those who weren't taking him seriously because they viewed his candidacy "much like a student council presidential race based solely on likeability."

However, the move served to suppress the turnout of a key foundation of Obama's base, Borous said.

"It appeared to be a shrewd manuever, but never underestimate the fragile ego of a boozer," he said.

The comment also appeared to have farther-reaching ramifications, namely mobilizing the wine and liquor vote in favor of Clinton.

"What about us?" said Ginny Tawnac, a social drinker who says she detests the proletarian coarseness of seasonal wintertime black lagers. "We think the presidency is about more than beer. We're fun to hang out with, too, you know."

In a rally following his narrow defeat, Obama claimed victory heading into next Saturday's South Carolina primary and gave no signs that he would neglect the mecurial moods of boozers this time around.

"Thank you!" Obama told a raucus crowd of supporters. "Thank you. Yes. Thank you. OK. Thank you. Yes. Thanks. OK. Thank you. We walked a tight line here in Nevada. We were tested. We wobbled a bit, but we will put one foot in front of the other in South Carolina, and we don't plan on stumbling."



Barack Obama, holding a bottle of water he now says was spiked with Goldschlager , trades pleasantries with rival Hillary Clinton after Tuesday's debate in Las Vegas.


5 comments:

Jay said...

He completely underestimated the power of the drunks. Bad mistake. Same on Gore made in 2000, I guess.

That was funny. You should write for The Onion.

Melissa said...

Very funny post. Perhaps handing voters a complimentary glass of beer as they step from the booth would up the numbers?

dan said...

I just hope your new president isn't prone to mythomania and pseudological-fantasia as our new Prime Minister is.

But then, I expect it's a qualification for a job in politics.

Chris said...

Regardless, this drunk supports Obama!

Very funny indeed.

Anonymous said...

I still wanna vote for Gore! I guess I'll have to settle for Hilary. I'd like to see him on her ticket as VP.