!!!!!!!

I have a problem with exclamation points.

They have to be one of the most overused and unnecessary tools in the English language.

Is there ever anything really that important?

Maybe. But somehow I suspect that things aren't really as important as the use of ... four !!!! ... exclamation points would lead us to believe.

Think of the prototypical massively passive-aggressive office memo: You see "PLEASE DON'T TOUCH THIS PILE OF PAPER!!!!!!" and you know that this person is desperate. You know you've got this person right where you want him or (usually) her.

These things are a sure sign that someone isn't confident that they can communicate effectively enough to be taken seriously.

A few years back, I wrote a newspaper article about this very subject. One of the guys I talked with (an English professor of some sort, I can't exactly remember) likened the exclamation point to a bludgeoning device. It even resembles a club or bat that you would beat somebody with.

Of course, I've been told my feelings about this just prove that I'm a cold, distant, miserable human being. That these things oftentimes are the best way to communicate happiness and approval.

That someone thinks what you or what you have to say is important without having to write "And let me tell you, I really think this is an important thing for you and you are important to me."

So that leads to another question: Is there anything to be that excited about?

I think there is. And I like the people who are that excited, because they're happy, and happy people are good.

The problem I have is that I struggle to communicate heartfelt happiness through written communication. You know, I've got to play it cool. What's that thing about cleverness that someone said once? Something about a witticism is the death of a truth?

I kill truth every day.

I've really put myself in an awkward position because of this.

When I respond to an email, I struggle with how to end it. Not the words, but the punctuation.

If I'm writing back a heartfelt "thanks" for work someone has done for me, putting an exclamation point after it -- "Thanks!" -- would really communicate my appreciation. If I put a simple period after it -- "Thanks." -- it can come across as overly formal, pretentious, unfeeling and maybe even rude.

But the problem remains.

I'm just not a happy-exclamation-point kind of guy.

So my solution has been simple.

Put nothing at the end.

Emailer: Eric, good job. I got your paperwork in and I'll pass it along to the right person later today.

Eric: "Thanks"

But it's never that simple. Sometimes, there's this:

Emailer: I went ahead and put you down for those free tickets. I'll put them on my desk and you can pick them up whenever you want. You can also have sex with my wife anytime you want.

What do I say?

"Thanks."

"Thanks"

No?

OK, OK. Yes, it deserves it. Yes, I have a soul.

"Thanks!"