It Didn't Do It

"It is what it is, it did what it do, and we came out with a victory."



What?

Leave it to Rasheed Wallace to impart such a gem of wisdom.

Two games after guaranteeing a victory against the Cleveland Cavaliers (but losing), this is how Rasheed Wallace summed up his Detroit Pistons finally shutting down LeBron James down a few weeks ago.

I never much noticed Rasheed Wallace before that quote, but I've become an admirer since.

Classic ... in a strange, puzzling kind of way.

The Miami Heat pimp-slapped the Detroit Pistons on Friday to make it to their first NBA Finals, where they'll play another first-time finalist, the Dallas Mavericks who last night knocked out the Phoenix Suns and my man Steve Nash.

Now that Rasheed is doing whatever it is he ... umm, do ... in the off-season, we don't have the pleasure of being enlightened by his sage ruminations.

This is the guy who lead the NBA in technical fouls -- again.

Who, when he thinks he's been wrongfully called for a foul (which is always), tells the shooter after missing the first free throw: "The ball don't lie!"

Who pops a 3 in someone's eye and tells them, "Don't worry young fella, I get paid for this. I get paid for doing this to you."

Who illustrates an Argentinan teammate's toughness by pointing out that "Carlos ain't no punk. They kidnap people where he's from."

Who tells the media speculating about his injuries, "I'm all right. I'll be ready to go. Don't send me to the glue factory yet."

Who refers to everybody as "cats," including officials: "A lot of them cats are felonious, man."

Who said to those who doubted the Pistons' chances of beating the Lakers for another title, "When it comes down to it, we'll smack 'em in the mouth with the trophy again."

Who nearing the traditional visit to the White House to meet the President after winning the '04 NBA title says he won't say anything to George Bush and adds, "I didn't vote for him. I'm not excited at all, it's just part of the thing."

Who to the media downplays any claim to divinity: "I'm not Jesus or nuthin."

Who puts his job in perspective: "Pressure? This isn't pressure and this is not pain. Afghanistan, Iraq and that other place, Croatia and Bosnia -- now, that is pressure. This ain't nothing but a little hoops."

And who, instead of wearing his championship ring, has boxing/pro wrestling-style belts made for the team after winning it all.



I'm going to miss that guy.

But not as much as Steve Nash, who is perhaps the most-awkward-looking MVP ever to dribble a basketball.



Not to worry, though: Stevie Wonder will now travel the world to perform charity, enjoy his second-straight NBA MVP award and think about next season when Amare Stoudamire will be healed and throwing down dunks instead of watching idly by in a horrendously bright three-piece suit.