The Profile
Yeah, so they're pretty desperate for any who are willing to coach 4 and 5 year old futbol.
Basically, they'll let anyone without a criminal record (well, much of one) do it.
And they provide a book so it's not a total disaster.
Don't laugh. OK, go ahead.
Yep. Pretty much. Weren't those the days?
Pretty ... clinical, there.
Looking at that last one, too bad this book wasn't available when "this ball is lunch and you guys are hungry" was the preferred coaching strategy. Who knows how deep those psychological wounds cut ...
"Balance on the dominant foot?"
OK, whatever. That must be the one where they make an entire planetary orbit around the field before they get the ball turned around toward the right goal.
Check.
Translation: "lawsuit." Got to watch out for that one especially.
The lesson?
Make sure to let them pick their noses and suck their thumbs.
Now ... the tenuous psyches of 10 kindergartners and pre-schoolers are yours for the molding.
Go get 'em, coach!
15 comments:
Eric,
Sorry I took so long to get back to you. Great blog... I can remember my dad coaching soccer when I was a kid and it was quite a learning experience for both of us. Feel free to shoot me an email so we can catch up (I assume it's in my blogspot profile). It looks like life has kept you busy, which is good to see. It's certainly done the same here. Later, bro.
- Chris (wholeshow01)
we got the same paper from Michael soccer coach. I thought it was funny does yours have the one about forgetting which goal is theirs so we dont keep score.
Yep.
I get to start down that path in a few months.
Joy joy
"the one about forgetting which goal is theirs so we dont keep score." - mainiax
that whole things is firkin hilarious.
do they give the kids a guide about the adults?
"they will tell you you're fat and unfit whilst washing down their fifth burger of the morning with a beer, then finish off with a high tar, maximum nicotine cigarette."
chris! there he is. a fellow gamecock and favored theological brother in arms. nice to see you, and i'll certainly email you to see how life is treating you. you would have a lot to add here ...
mainiax, yeah they try to tell us not to keep score, but it's hard not to. what i found being a coach is that i think less of the score than the parents do. i'm willing to discount goals count for our team that are questionable and they're like, 'oh, come on, coach!" they're attitude is ok. my wife was telling asa how proud she was of the three goals he scored. i told her that we had 5 on 4 when he scored one of them and she was like, "that's not his fault." i try to do my part as a coach, even though i'm competitive.
honestly, and i'm not going to act like i'm not bragging, but my son scores all the goals. he scores at least two a game. no shit. usually the only one who scores. he let a ball get by him as goalie so he felt it then a personal mission to score two to make it up for the one. i'd worry for him if he didn't enjoy it so much and have such a good attitude. i mean, he even passes the ball knowing he'll never get it in return. he loves giving everything he's got. that's all i'll ever ask of him. so, the point is ... i guess ... i keep score, but not in a bad way i don't think. in all honesty, how could you not?
screetus ... connecting with your inner-child. a sign of health ... and A.D.D.!
john, i'm sure you're kid will know a little about the physical nature of the game, you being a former rugby player and all.
dan, if they did one on parents, it should say something like ... "hey, here's a secret: they don't really know what they're doing, they just try to act like it so you don't turn out like them."
e+
It's worrying for me how the descriptions of the kids and what to look out for could actually apply to the current england team:
no sense of pace they run until they drop - joe cole and Sean Wright Phillips
Balance on the dominant foot - our whole team is right footed
Primitive eye-foot co-ordination - Rio Ferdinand
individually orientated and little concern for team activities - Beckham
short attention span - all of them
Our manager should be getting the sack anytime soon - you could be in for a shout Eric.
spo, i reckon eric would piss all over sven. i mean, what the hell is he doing and he should be playing smith tonight.
tonight: england vs poland. expected result 4-0 loss.
the job will be there for you, eric.
vote eric everybody.
i don't know ... does sven know that when the ball goes out of bounds off the goalie that the other team corner kicks it and doesn't throw it in?
i just learned that one.
asa scored 3 goals today in a 5-1 victory where the other team had five to our four.
it's all coaching ... ;)
e+
it's also extraordinary amounts of sugar I'll bet
they better not be carrying out drug tests or your busted - too much of those lucky charms before a game and the kids go hyper.
Classic photo of soccer kids.
I always thought score was not kept to keep the parents in line. Was there any advice on how to handle a parental tirade?
Hubby coached kiddy soccer, way back in high school. He loved it. It sounds like you do, too. Have loads of fun!
Oh, and let me just say, ASA ROCKS!!
eric, you get the job.
the technical term for what you describe is known as 'picking a bogey'
anybody who gets three goals in one match is said to have 'gorrenatrick'
dan
ha, don't you know that's my secret, simon? lucky charms is the fuel of champions!
kz, score isn't officially kept. the funny thing is, i typically forget how many are scored but i'm constantly reminded by 1.) the parents (like my wife) and 2.) the kids, who always ask who's winning.
i tell them everybody's winning. they're kind of non-plussed at that.
i try to tell asa that all i care about is that he play hard. he's had only one game where he hasn't scored a goal. he was dejected. i refused to let him be, because he played hard.
dan, is that the same as a "hat trick?" like in hockey?
e+
that's blob on, eric. the hatrick that is. great to se you're picking up northern england vernacular.
you'll have to do a post in s.c. lingo
i was messing with your head with the bogey thing as you may have suspected. sorry, couldn't resist
Sounds like you've got one heck of a player there, Eric.
The only thing harder than coaching at game time is refereeing.
You want to talk about dealing with parents? Let one of the kids break his arm on your watch.
Post a Comment