Half Off

This is my favorite time of year.

The week between Christmas and New Year's.

I take the week off. I see my wife and kids. I have basketball practices for my little team in the middle of the day and the middle of the week. I drink beers whose tops have to be popped off.

Nobody asks me, "So, are you ready for Christmas?"

The shelves empty. The music faintly plays. Attention turns to an empty number.

But guess what ...

I'm that guy who buys Christmas lights 50 percent off.

And then puts them up, and won't take them down until the 12th day of Christmas.

More lights than when I started!

Eat that, 2011!

Bun In The Oven

So I heard this ad on the radio for an automatic dishwasher.

A woman is trying to tell her husband that they need to buy a quiet model because of the baby.

He's like, "What baby?"

And she says, "You're not getting the hint."

Of course he wouldn't. Am I the only one who thinks that's a crazy way to find out you're having a kid?