It's A Bird, It's A Plane, It's A ... Super-Thong?

Dwight Howard is now one of my favorite NBA players.

It's not just that he donned the cape and soared through the air and literally threw the ball down into the basket like he was tossing a balled-up piece of paper in the trash can ...

It's not just that, in the ultimately successful pursuit of winning the dunk contest over the weekend, the big man managed to find a Superman outfit to fit his 6' 11" frame ...

It has to be that he actually stayed true to the uniform and included the Super-Outside-The-Suit-Underwear in the design.

In fact, it looks like a Super-Thong.

Way to keep it fresh for a new generation, Dwight.

"Sir, What's Your Favorite Color?"

Three possibilities on why I'm making this face, which today has been plastered across the homepage of a local television station's website ...

1.) I don't believe this guy.

or

2.) His bow-tie is really flaring out there.

or

3.) In regards to a student at a technical college who accidentally shot himself in the leg today-- and after several attempts by me to ask a substantive question -- only to be drowned out, as is customary, by super-eager television personalities -- a TV reporter asks the campus police chief: "Do you have a gun policy?"

Now, three guesses on what the answer was ...

Now Let's Just Draft Darren McFadden ...

I heard somebody lost tonight.

For two weeks, one of the common things I heard among those who wanted to see the New England Patriots win Super Bowl XLII and go 19-0 was that they wanted to witness history.

Well, every time I scratch my ass I make history. Everything's a part of history. But it wouldn't be the first time a guy scratched his ass. Or the first time a team went undefeated.

However, tonight was a first that will be recorded in the annals of NFL history: It's the first time in NFL history that a team with a perfect record went to the Super Bowl and lost.

The last time a perfect team went to the Super Bowl?

The 1972 Miami Dolphins.

And who's the last and only perfect team to win the Super Bowl?

The 1972 Miami Dolphins.

Some will say, "You know, the Patriots went 18-0, so they won more games than when the '72 Dolphins went 17-0 after the Super Bowl when there were only 14 regular-season games."

To that I say that it's a whole lot different winning that last game. The one that, when all is said and done, matters the most whether you had no losses or six losses (like the Giants had).

And I also realize that I say this in the aftermath of the 2007 Dolphins managing to win one game.

But I do know that when Eli Manning threw that touchdown with less than a minute to go up 17-14, I was watching the Super Bowl in 2008 and there was the helmeted Dolphin flashing on the screen with a brief retrospection of the only franchise to ever finish a championship season undefeated.

It was a long time ago, yes (and it was a year before I was born). But it's important, because the accomplishment is one that outshines every Super Bowl winner up until this point -- no matter how many times a team has won it or by how much or by how little or by what singularly spectacular play.

And with that I'll leave this historic occasion with the words of Mercury Morris, the great Dolphins running back who complimented Larry Csonka in the backfield during that '72 season and tonight is popping the cork on the annual ceremonial champagne toast to the last undefeated team going down:

Like I said, don't call me when you're in my town, call me when you're on my block, and I see you next door moving your furniture in ... ... and if you win it, I'll be dressed up in a tuxedo waiting on my bride.

The Shirt They Give You Says Something About 'Life In The Fast Vein' ... YUCK!

I donated blood for the first time today.

I don't like it. I knew I wouldn't. It's why I never did it before. It's an experience that makes my skin literally crawl. I'm just glad they played the radio on the blood bus so my feet flapping all around looked like I was keeping a beat to the music and not trying to play every mental trick on myself just to let them keep that needle in my arm.

They wanted me to clutch and release some roll of gauze to actually pump the blood out.

That just ... F@CK!

But, from what I understand, each pint of blood can save up to three lives.

That's really a satisfying thing if you think about it.

You can write a check to a charity or help an old lady with her groceries, but to actually have a piece of your life literally run through someone else who desperately needs it ...

It's a pretty good way for a generally aloof member of society to within a matter of six ... no, 10 ... no, now it's 12 ... minutes connect with is fellow man in a grand yet intimate way.

And, I got to thinking:

They give you free pizza, cookies and sodas. All that you want. Then they give you a movie pass. Then a free T-shirt. Then they tell you you're a great person.

You can actually feed yourself, clothe yourself and entertain yourself -- all after feeling like you did something more than sit on your ass and complain about needles.

And, of course, the guy who stuck me told me the beers I normally drink on a Friday night would hit me harder.

I'm still waiting on that to pan out ...